Dear Hand Salad, Thanks But No Thanks

Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that magazine Bon Appetit has birthed an absolutely revolutionary creation known as the Hand Salad. Apart from the obvious concerns we had with the name (a salad made of hands? Human hands? Tiny doll hands?) there was also a tell all picture. It contained – wait for it – a picture of a hand holding something leafy and green dipped into a bowl of dressing. Gasp! How ground-breaking!

It’s called a “hand salad” but let’s not focus on that https://t.co/fRTxgR79cY pic.twitter.com/XWY0mbAqF4

— Bon Appétit (@bonappetit) 27 March 2017

I’m sure that as this tweet was posted, congratulatory messages and accolades were passed around and all were certain that this would be the start of something great. Sadly, that is not to be. I know everyone downplays the intelligence of the millennials, but we weren’t going to fall for this one. Come on, we understand that Bon Appetit was promoting healthy living (I’ll have the salad, sans the greens sans the hand), but they attempted to convince us this was a new invention. Moms around the word have been trying to trick us into eating vegetables by packing us ‘hand salad’ in our lunchbox for years. We weren’t going to be fooled so easily!

Salads (bacon) can be brilliant and delicious (especially if they include bacon) but the hand salad can be aptly summed up as leaves and dip. I couldn’t help but wonder; if Bon Appetit considered this a hand salad, then is every other type of salad just a fork salad (or a spoon salad if you’re a monster)?

So, to Bon Appetit, I say, nice try. The only hand salad I’m going to be eating tonight is a slice of pizza with ranch dressing. At least, with your brilliant new coinage, I can finally tell Mum that I had a salad for dinner.