Opinion: Dessert Pizza Isn’t Real Pizza And It Never Will Be

It’s pretty common knowledge that pizza goes on my list of my favorite things (along with raindrops on roses). I recently found out that dessert pizzas are a thing. I came across this depressing information while reading about another one of my favorite things (Cadbury’s crème eggs).

I can assure you, that I will not budge on my position of no pineapple on pizza. This is for the same reason that I dislike sweet and sour dishes of any kind (blame my dad) and positively loathe the idea of spaghetti donuts (just plain common sense). I do understand the nostalgic creativity of one who thinks that chocolate and pizza would be a match made in heaven. But some things do work better in theory than in practice, oui?

Call me old fashioned, or unadventurous but I strongly feel that God intended for pizza to be a savoury treat full of the delicious saltiness of cheese combined with marinara sauce on a slab of dough. Don’t get me wrong, I like sugar just as much as the next girl, I enjoy my share of chocolates and indulging my sweet tooth. I just don’t want to see my true love for pizza turn into a mix of love and hate. Ever heard the saying – too much of a good thing? Right now, more than ever, a truer word has never been spoken.

It’s not like I haven’t tried wrapping my head around the anomaly that is dessert pizza. Is it like a pie? Or not at all like a pie and more like the saddest substitute possible for a pie? Do they change the type of dough they use? Does it now taste like a donut, but only a really sad one? What about the cheese? Is pizza a pizza without cheese? So many unanswered questions! I’m just questioning everything now… What is the meaning of life? Is sugar sweet?

Fortunately, fads may come and go but (normal) pizza will remain a constant. We will protect the integrity of savoury pizza and give a massive pass to whatever pizza dessert witchcraft comes up next. I’ve made up my mind; if loving dessert pizza is right, then I wanna be wrong.