Opinion: What The Heck Is Vegetarian Bacon?

The other day, while casually scrolling through my newsfeed I was assaulted by something that shook me to my core. The offending article – tofu bacon in a vegan BLT (what even is a vegan BLT?). I was flabbergasted. Surely vegetarian bacon wasn’t a thing. Upon researching further I discovered that vegetarian bacon, aka, facon, or vacon was, in fact, a thing (shocker, they even had a name for it!)

So, the main idea is that you can make healthy bacon (God, the juxtaposition) by cutting up tofu (or your poison of choice) into thin strips, seasoning it, and frying it.

In my mind, when I see bacon I see strips of crunchy, greasy pork; fat sizzling, breakfast awaiting. Does the picture below even look like bacon? Vegetarian bacon has no fat (duh, it’s made out of vegetables). Also, no matter how much you season it, it’s never going to taste like cured pork. Anyone who says otherwise, either you’ve never had bacon or you’re a massive liar.

Perhaps the main problem that I have with vegetarian bacon is the fact that bacon is in the title. Honestly, it’s not bacon, it’s nowhere close. If I’m being perfectly honest, and I’m sure some vegans would agree with me, there can be no vegetarian substitute for meat.

Even if you could get the texture and the protein level right, there is absolutely no way that taste can be perfectly recreated. I’m sorry it’s just a fact of life. If you think that there can be then I’m sure you’re one of those people who say that paneer tastes exactly like chicken. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is that there can be no such thing as vegetarian bacon. If you want you can call it fried strips of tofu but it’s not freaking bacon. A bit of frying does not bacon make!