11 astronomical calorie counts I really couldn’t care less about

1. Ham Burger, double patty (295 calories per 100 grams) 

It’s a saint compared to the triple patty.

2. Pizza (302 calories per 100 grams) 

Don’t worry, I share pizza with my friends. Preferably when they’re not around.

3. Chocolate nut spread (582 calories per 100grams) 

You’re right. 582 calories per 100 grams is a lot. I’ll lose the bread and just lick the chocolate nut spread.

4. Bacon strips (548 calories per 100 grams) 

I’ll stop eating bacon strips when pigs fly.

5. Peanut butter (589 calories per 100 grams) 

If you can’t see the slices of bread because they’re submerged in a sea of peanut butter, then you must be eating it right.

6. Doughnuts (452 calories per 100 grams) 

I’m having just one doughnut. One after another.

7. Taco, beef, cheese and lettuce (266 calories per 100 grams)

Tacos for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Let’s do this!

8. Milk chocolate (535 calories per 100 grams) 

There is a huge mischievous grin every time I bite into a milk chocolate bar.

9. Blueberry muffin (377 calories per 100 grams) 

It’s so soft and buttery. I’m in heaven.

Sorry, didn’t catch your calorie monologue.

10. Lard (902 calories per 100 grams) 

Wow, that’s a LOT of calories. It must taste extra delicious. I’m going to slather a chunk of it on my vegetables and salad.

11. Popcorn (375 calories per 100 grams) 

You’re calling popcorn fattening? Wait till I add butter and cheese powder all over it.